Sanitize your countertop, not literature

Sometimes I think I made the right decision by self-publishing my novels, and two recent incidents in the publishing world seem to back that up.

A couple of weeks ago, I read online about the plans to change some of the text and situations in the books of Roald Dahl, including the classic “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” It’s one of my favorite books, and when I heard that Penguin Random House planned to sanitize the sweet tale along with Dahl’s other tales, it was like I wasn’t living in the United States, where freedom of speech is supposed to mean something.

In “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” for example, they’re not going to refer to Augustus Gloop as “enormously fat” and are going to refer to the Oompa Loompas as “small people” instead of “small men.” Another Dahl tale, “Matilda,” is also being altered so that Miss Trunchbull is now a “most formidable woman” instead of “most formidable female,” like “female” is supposed to be a dirty word.

What’s really disturbing is that Dahl’s literature is not in the public domain. Dahl’s estate still has control and sold the rights, which made me think at the time I was reading about this travesty that good old Roald should claw his way out of the grave and unleash hellfire and brimstone at everyone who had the audacity to change his work after he died because it wasn’t deemed inclusive enough by the politically correct.

Fortunately, I’m not the only one who finds the attempts to change a dead man’s work offensive. There was enough backlash by others capable of independent thought, and now Penguin is planning to “bring back” the original stories but to also keep the “sanitized” tales for the snowflake generation that deems many random words to be offensive or in poor taste.

I wish I could be happy that the publisher is going to continue to crank out copies of Dahl’s original stories, but I sense it’s an attempt to appease the masses for now, and once everyone has forgotten what Penguin tried to do here today, the publisher will quietly push out Dahl’s version of the stories and let the “sanitized” versions remain. If Dahl’s descendants had any scruples, they’d demand the Penguin put a stop to the newer, compromised books, but that’s like wishing it wouldn’t snow in Wisconsin.

Roald Dahl is not the only one facing politically correct republication, however. Lovers of James Bond — and I mean fans, not all the women he’s bedded — recently learned that all of the books written by Ian Fleming are also undergoing a rewrite, once again with the blessing of the late author’s estate.

While I’ve never really been too interested in James Bond, and by that, I mean the movies, the story of the secret agent has captivated millions of people for decades. Now, an insignificant minority has determined that some of the language that was part of society at the time the books were written should not reach virgin ears for fear it will traumatize them to know that our past was rather brutal and unkind.

Where does it stop? This movement by the extreme left to censor and white-out unpleasant language and situations in books is an affront to freedom of speech. It starts with certain words, and then it eventually spreads to include ideas. Instead of trusting people to utilize their own freewill, liberal publishers think they need to save us from naughty language. Well, guess what? We can figure out what’s offensive and disgusting without the thought police from “1984” coming to life.

Authors all over should feel threatened in this day and age. If it’s not leftist publishers trying to rewrite original literature from decades ago, it’s the righteous right trying to ban books from libraries and even bookstores, with a couple of people who subscribe to Neanderthal Today suggesting that books be burned. Meanwhile, those of us stuck in the middle have to hunker down and hope that, when the siege on literature ends, we’ll still have something interesting to read.

If people want to sanitize something, I suggest starting with their own countertops. Leave books alone.

Lee Pulaski is the city editor for NEW Media. Readers can contact him at lpulaski@newmedia-wi.com.