Motherly love can be kinematic kinship

Having finished the story of my great-great grandmother Anna Maria Holzschuh, I am turning the page to write about one of her hundreds of descendants, my daughter, Jina. By the time you read this, she will be in the last week of her birthday month.

We have this thing in our family about celebrating a birthday for the entire month because it’s fun to celebrate the good stuff. I wasn’t able to be with her on her milestone birthday, but I wanted to send the right gift. Darn, I just couldn’t find the perfect thing to send to a daughter as wonderful as she is. I finally settled on sending roses, her favorite flower.

Yes, fresh cut roses are an extravagance, but I always loved getting flowers, especially at work. So I sent the bouquet to the school district office where she spends an incredible amount of time and energy helping lead a team whose mission is educating the next generation. That was easy. What proved difficult was composing the right message to mark this special occasion.

Now you’d think that someone who has been called a wordsmith, a writer who holds in high regard anyone who can construct beauty and meaning with words, could sit down and quickly write a paragraph or two expressing love, respect, appreciation and admiration. Ah, no. In this case, words to adequately depict how much I love, respect, appreciate and admire my daughter were not easily forthcoming. Maybe a card? Nope, even Hallmark couldn’t do it this year.

In desperation, I searched online and found this: “A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend.” Really? I have lots of friends who have incredible relationships with their daughters, but I rarely hear them refer to a daughter as a best friend, at least not in the usual sense. Such sentiment falls far short of defining the extraordinary bond that women can forge with their female offspring.

As almost all of the mothers I know, the connection I share with my daughter transcends friendship. Those emotions go way beyond the limits of thought; like ecstasy transcends comfort, or brilliance transcends aptitude. That does not mean we agree on everything or that we never become frustrated or annoyed with one another. It does mean that the negative stuff passes quickly and can never diminish the depth of love or fracture the intense bond between us.

I know. Mothers are supposed to love their children, but unfortunately, mother love is not universal. We have all heard of shocking cases of Mommy Dearest, where mothers are unfit, neglectful, abusive and worse. The reason these horrific stories make the news is that they are aberrations of how things ought to be.

Loving my daughter has always felt as natural as breathing. I tried hard to be a good mother, and Jina says I was, but watching her raise my granddaughter has made me see how far short I fell. I sometimes wish I could start over because her mothering skills are so far superior to mine. We do have one satisfying similarity. Day by day, Jina is fashioning the ties that will bind her to her daughter just as I once nurtured the relationship that binds her to me.

I don’t know why, but I have this incorrigible need to name things. So I will call this phenomenal mother-daughter bond kinematic kinship — the highest, purest emotion reserved for someone linked to you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Kinematic kinship emanates from your very core. Your emotions are always in motion, consciously and subconsciously growing and developing. You are surprised and delighted to find that mother love is limitless and increases even when you think there can’t possibly be any more room for expansion.

I hope all the mothers reading this are fortunate to have kinematic kinship with their daughters because it brings so much happiness. Just thinking of your daughter makes you smile. Seeing her in photographs produces a lovely feeling of well-being. Hearing her cheery voice on the phone means all is well in the cosmos. Hugging her makes you feel complete. Even missing her has its rewards because you really cherish the moments when you are together.

So happy birthday month to my beautiful, bright, charming, amazing daughter. Jina, the world is a far better place with you in it. To all the mothers out there who have kinematic kinship with their daughters, please feel free to plagiarize this column or just cut it out and send it to that little girl who grew up to be more than just your best friend.

Kathleen Marsh is a lifelong educator, writer and community advocate. She has published eight books, four on the history of Townsend, where she and husband Jon are happily retired on the beautiful Townsend Flowage.